Blog #3: A Mother’s Mistakes
As a mother, I’ve made many mistakes. And the more I am willing to encounter the wounds of my own childhood, the more clearly I see how those wounds were passed on to my children through my mothering role. This is not necessarily a life altering statement, as many of us are probably able to realize this for ourselves to a certain extent. Nor is the impact of writing it here (or saying it to our family and friends) as potent as the real power that comes from the wisdom gained through the actual experience of seeing, acknowledging, processing, releasing and finally healing the wounds. And the truth that arises out of the wisdom of experience truly sets us free.
The healing is crucial. Healing starts when we have the courage to say, “This isn’t working. I’m willing to do things differently. Please show me the way.” This humble acknowledgement and prayer open us up to possibilities otherwise unavailable to us when we remain locked and stuck in the struggles of our lives. The ego mind does an interesting thing – it so desperately wants better solutions and at the same time it will argue fiercely to keep things the way they are.
Our struggles lie in our perceptions of reality. The Buddha said, “With our minds we create the world.” And when we are grid-locked into fighting against what is in an attempt to make it better, we block ourselves from the possibility of seeing and relating to it differently, and to enjoy the different outcomes in our lives that we crave. The unhealed traumas of our past want to keep us safe, protected, locked down. This means we respond to our present moment circumstances from the unhealed parts linked to the past trauma. Thus, we think we are acting in the moment, when in reality, we are simply reacting from our wounds. Without the wisdom that is clear comprehension, we stay limited in the trauma loop, unable to break free no matter how hard we try.
Stepping onto the path of healing and freedom doesn’t mean we have to do it all at once. Nor is it as painful as the ego would want us to believe it is. The improvements in our lives moving forward only require that we tend to what is showing up in the present moment. If you want to know what your future will be like, look at your present moment choices, said the Buddha.
Likewise, I don’t have to fix every mistake I’ve made in my relationships with my children (or any relationship). In healing my own wounds, some of our wounds get healed simply because I perceive them and relate to them differently. The negative charge is removed. And when a present moment circumstance shows up for me to make amends or to act differently, the opportunity is right there.
I don’t need to be perfect in how I approach my healing or how I show up in life. I do need to be present and available. And when unhealed trauma still sits inside, there is often an undercurrent of agitation, restlessness and reactivity that prevents us from being present and available. The greatest gift I can give my children, and everyone I interact with, is my healing. In healing, there is softness, humility, honesty, authenticity, lightness, and freedom. Everyone can breathe easier. And that’s nice. Kindness sets the tone; mindfulness guides the way. The CERR Method tools offer the methodology. You can heal too.
Did you relate to anything I shared here? If so, type #relate in the comment. And if you have a favorite sentence or section, share it in the comments too. Your feedback helps me know what is relevant for you and what I can focus on. J
Finally, are you feeling lost, doubtful, frustrated, stuck, unfulfilled, tired and defeated, achieving and being less than what you know is possible? Are you longing to feel confidence in your sense of self, express your authenticity, and be free from the traumatizing effects of others’ disappointing behaviors? If so, I invite you to schedule a discovery call with me to help you gain clarity and next steps. This is not a sales call, and completely free. Here’s the link to schedule your appointment. [calendar link]
